When we were young life was easier, right? I know sometimes it seems that way. But the truth is life still is easy. It always will be. The only difference is we’re older, and the older we get, the more we complicate things for ourselves.
You see, when we were young we saw the world through simple, hopeful eyes. We knew what we wanted and we had no biases or concealed agendas. We liked people who smiled. We avoided people who frowned. We ate when we were hungry, drank when we were thirsty, and slept when we were tired.
As we grew older our minds became gradually disillusioned by negative external influences. At some point we began to hesitate and question our instincts.
I feel like shit right now. I’m disgustingly bloated and having one of those moments where you just feel like a giant whale. Oh my god.. It probably doesn’t help that I started my period today but I’m seriously feeling so shitty.
I. Want. Need. To. Get. In. Shape. I’m so sick of this.
I don’t know why I feel the need to impulsively eat unhealthy food. I don’t know why I’m never motivated to work out.
I want to eat healthy all the time. I want to work out regularly…but I’m not sticking to either. I’m tired of making plans, I need to just start doing it.
Sorry, I’m just so frustrated and I just wish the weight would come off and I could stop being controlled by it. I don’t want it to be an issue anymore. I’ve been consumed by weight loss goals for much too long. I don’t want to think about it anymore. I want to conquer it.
Sidenote.. there’s a girl in my program at school whose gonna start using the school gym with me in 2 weeks, after intersession. I’m going home for a bit during next week so I’m gonna go do my old jogging route since I haven’t jogged since I moved (problem..) I also did a really healthy grocery shop this week, but I still feel gross because today I felt the need to eat a Tim Horton’s bagel, doughnut and coffee and it completely ruined my day. I felt guilty about it all day because I knew I shouldn’t have eaten/drank it. Blegh. I’m gonna start making stricter rules for myself regarding food. I still eat things that I like, obviously, but I’ve found that lately the things I enjoy eating the most are fruits and veggies, etc, because I feel good after since I know it’s healthy and there’s no reason to feel guilty about it because I know I made the right choice.
Wow my mood is all over the place :/ Maybe I should go to bed since it’s 3:15am. I hope in the morning I feel better and it will be a good day. Tomorrow’s a new day and I’m really gonna try to stick to this. I know I need to.
I wish that a personal trainer would work with me and get me in shape just out of the goodness of his/her heart… just cause I’m in college and can’t afford one. *sigh* I Used To Be Fat has me wishing for one. I really, really need to get in shape!